Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
