at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
