The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
