brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
