that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
