uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
