I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
