You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
