Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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