Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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