I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
