I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
