If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
