it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
