just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
