I am puke
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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