I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
