don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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