Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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