Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
