would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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