I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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