You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
