Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
