Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
