My hair reeks of homosexuality.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
