i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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