some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
