In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
