Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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