Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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