I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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