So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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