I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
