Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think people are normalizing furries
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
