and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
