Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
