i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
