I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
