Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize