im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
