So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
