porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
