If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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