okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
