Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
