I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
