Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
