i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
