one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
