Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
