Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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