Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
