I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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