ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
