i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
