Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize