If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
