: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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