so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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