im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
