conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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