drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
