i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
