Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
