Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
