Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
