i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
