And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize